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Yeah, this is kinda like if Excalibur and Star Wars had a baby. A weird, slightly unsettling baby. #Monsterdon

They're killing the wedding guests! I was wrong, they're not Stormtroopers, they're a bunch of Lancelots. #Monsterdon

Oh, gooey. Nice :D #Monsterdon

Parry, parry, thrust, thrust, GOOD! #Monsterdon

oh my god they're doing the "swinging on the chandelier cord" bit unironically :D #Monsterdon

And so the forces of evil killed the hero and triumphed over the land! The end! Weird movie, but at least it's short. #Monsterdon

...Oh, he's alive. Dammit. #Monsterdon

Mm, toe jam unguent. #Monsterdon

Yeah, Freddie Jones is 100% too good for this film. #Monsterdon

"I'll find men on the way."

We'll make a stop at Accountemps. #Monsterdon

"Am I that man?"

Generally speaking if you have to ask, the answer is no >_> #Monsterdon

"Hi folks, I'm a mountain. Just wanna put in a good word for plate tectonics while the camera lingers on me. Thanks for stopping by!" #Monsterdon

Seriously though, the soundtrack sits front and center and shouts, "THIS IS EPIC GOD DAMN IT, ACKNOWLEDGE HOW EPIC THIS IS" #Monsterdon

...Okay for a second there I thought we were gonna go for a third week in a row with a silicone prop nipple in our movie and I was gonna throw a fit. #Monsterdon

Oh, it's a lava cookie with a free prize inside. #Monsterdon

...Okay so the princess's half of the story is just gonna be A Clockwork Orange, huh? #Monsterdon

The movie: A glaive is a five-pointed magical ninja star

You: A glaive is a polearm

Me, a nerd: A glaive is a bouncy stick with a bug friend :D

Oh no, it's the funny companion :/ #Monsterdon

That's what happens when you fail your Wild Magic check. #Monsterdon

...Ergo, huh. We're gonna see too much of him, get Ergo poisoning :/ #Monsterdon

Our hero is being hounded by wandering trumpets. #Monsterdon

Aaaaaand there's a botched stealth check. #Monsterdon

"Is it foolish to fight for your home?"

I dunno, are we getting a lend-lease program? Are the sanctions still up? Do we get Starlink access? #Monsterdon

Oh, he's getting his hand stamped. He gets back in for free. #Monsterdon

Our wizard's kind of a liability here, huh. #Monsterdon

Good to see they're leaving the Redshirts behind. #Monsterdon

So what do you figure the under/over is on Muttonchop Gandalf there eating it before the end of the movie? #Monsterdon

"I'm Titch! I'll be your emotional crutch once my aged master dies and I'm forced to come with you! You'll probably die protecting me! :D" #Monsterdon

"This... *means something*!" #Monsterdon

Y'never look into the Palantir, chief. :/ #Monsterdon

"They said I was mad to build a temple in the swamp! But I built it all the same. The first temple sank into the swamp. So I built another! That one fell over, then sank into the swamp. But I built a THIRD temple and that one caught on fire, fell over and THEN fell into the swamp! But the fourth one stayed up." #Monsterdon

Oh nice, Esther Williams orcs. #Monsterdon

Huh, our hero took Two-handed Fighting as a bonus feat last level up. #Monsterdon

Kid's an apprentice exposition wizard. #Monsterdon

Rell wishes for ignorance, specifically of this obnoxious little wizard nerd. #Monsterdon

The Beast keeps threatening our heroine with clothing. #Monsterdon

...Shouldn't they have encountered ROUSes by now? #Monsterdon

Welp, there's one Redshirt down. #Monsterdon

Oh, he's been absorbed by the black oil alien from The X-Files. #Monsterdon

Oo, stabbed him right in the silicone pouch. #Monsterdon

You're ripping off SHELOB now? Read another book, motherfucker! #Monsterdon

Fair play to Muttonchops Gandalf, it's never fun visiting your ex. #Monsterdon

And the dog thing whimpers out like the pointless bit it was. #Monsterdon

"You must eat something. Please, for me?"

Here comes the airplane, little kingy, brrrrrrummm! #Monsterdon

The queen is trapped in the Final Fantasy parts of a Kingdom Hearts game. #Monsterdon

Oh, the Beast is a Republican. #Monsterdon

Ah, the great power of the Beast to shove a woman offstage. At higher levels he gets a long pole with a hook at the end. #Monsterdon

Whoops, Lala Barina nest. #Monsterdon #monsterhunter

Oh we're getting some stop motion spider! :D I knew this movie would be worthwhile :D #Monsterdon

"I was supposed to be in Raiders of the Lost Ark! Spielberg never returns my calls!" #Monsterdon

Oh, the Mirror of Maybeline. #Monsterdon

Well, Hobby Lobby's never taking return on that hourglass now :/ #Monsterdon

Nice to see they left raytracing on. #Monsterdon

"Fly, you fools." #Monsterdon

Firemares, or as they're more usually known, beer horsies. #Monsterdon

So we're just getting an extended horse-rustling scene, huh? #Monsterdon

Shoutout to the guy in the cyclops prosthetic, tho, he's earning his pay like four times over. #Monsterdon

"Each to his fate."

My fate is another handful of chocolate, I think. #Monsterdon

"We had no time!"

BITCH THIS MOVIE IS TWO HOURS LONG YOU HAD PLENTY OF TIME. #Monsterdon

♪ Fun fun fun 'till your daddy takes your fire horseys awaaaaayaay ♪ #Monsterdon