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Man, those Jehovas Witnesses just don't give up, huh. #Monsterdon

And now, Dracula on the Haunted Harpsichord. #Monsterdon

WE GET IT

THERE'S A BAT PRESENT

MOVE ON

"Oh, no you want Count DRACULA, he's two valleys over. This is the home of Count DRAGULA, sorry honey." #Monsterdon

"Okay, well... I'm just gonna go now. I... I'll call you. I had fun! ...Bye." #Monsterdon

"The salt, the pepper, the bay leaves! The green wood, the ashes, the barbecue sauce!" #Monsterdon

They couldn't afford an actual script so they just got a dude with a sound board. I'm waiting for that one synth hit they all use, you know the one. #Monsterdon

"What... Is it?"

It's a bad movie, honey. Sorry. #Monsterdon

Oh, here's tonight's Torgo! Let's all give him a round of applause, hello Torgo! #Monsterdon

Two words... Sounds like... #Monsterdon

"Yes, well, we only have Pepsi. Is that okay?" #Monsterdon

"The site said this place was an open plan, I'm gonna leave this Air BnB SUCH a review..." #Monsterdon

DO SOMETHING

GOD >:(

Ugh, I hate Sister Mary Golden Hair -_-; #Monsterdon

...So is she our Renfield? #Monsterdon

Oo, Dasblinkenlights! Nice, been a while. #Monsterdon

Incidentally, the movie's about a third over now.

We've had like three lines.

HA HA HA HA HA

WOW

That Frankenstein :D #Monsterdon

WHOOOOOOOA

THE COOL RAAAAAAANCH!!!! #Monsterdon

Igor, as portrayed by Cheech Marin. #Monsterdon

Meanwhile, on the Moulin Rouge??? #Monsterdon

She's singing about the lunch specials. #Monsterdon

Whoops, found the one gay guy in the audience. He's critiquing her fringe. #Monsterdon

"Oh god, Frankenstein! You're slightly less attractive than the men out in the restaurant!" #Monsterdon

Disembodied Cop Voice! #Monsterdon

I know we've heard her voice already, but I'm mentally dubbing Fran Drescher in for the cabaret singer. #Monsterdon

Why's Doctor Frankenstein look like Jeeves? #Monsterdon

Huh. So *this* is Martinizing. #Monsterdon

HARDLY ANY ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FILM

Toaster's ready. Again. #Monsterdon

Dracula: I don't feel dead. Actually I feel pretty good! #Monsterdon

Watch them hands, Cheech Igor. #Monsterdon

Ugh, can we... Not, with this scene D: #Monsterdon

"Let's just warm you up by the fire, poor dear." #Monsterdon

Aw, Dracula beddy-bye time! You need a glass of blood? You got tigger and eyore? C'mon, we'll read Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey. #Monsterdon

What? Wait, hold up, who's THIS chick? #Monsterdon

Aaaand she flees the movie. Wise woman. There but for the grace of god go I. #Monsterdon

THIS FILM IS JUST

CLOSEUPS

OF TWITCHING

"Oh yeah, baby, hey my UHaul is just outside..." #Monsterdon

"And now my powers were limitless!"

...Apparently? ¯\_(:/)_/¯ #Monsterdon

I wish I knew why this film keeps zooming in on eyeballs like that. Maybe it was funded by a mascara company? #Monsterdon

Y'know, film, I think you've set enough TEXTURE, maybe it's time to move on to SUBSTANCE. #Monsterdon

"What is it? What's the matter?'

I'm still in this movie! God *damn* it! #Monsterdon

Oh yeah baby, shoot me up with the good stuff doctor. I'm up after her, c'mon I need it to get through this film. #Monsterdon

"And now the battle begins!"

Let's not kid ourselves, guys. This is gonna be like The Mummy vs The Robot, the whole fight's gonna be five seconds at the end of the flick. #Monsterdon

So she's institutionalized, but still allowed an underwire bra? #Monsterdon

Oh, now it's HIS turn to strip! Take it off, doctor, woo! #Monsterdon

I've always been impressed by Frankenstein's innovative fighting techniques. #Monsterdon

So is Doctor Frankenstein writing a report for the Amway home office or something? #Monsterdon

BATS ON A STRING, CLASSIC #Monsterdon

YOU CAN'T INTRODUCE NEW CHARACTERS AN HOUR INTO AN EIGHTY MINUTE FILM

FOUL

Shit, I don't have time to photoshop Dracula into that "I Consent, I Consent (jesus) I Don't!" picture. Just imagine it, please. #Monsterdon

I have to say, the Doctor's Wall of Sound is pretty minimalist. You think maybe he was one of the first trance artists? Wub wub noises and screaming. #Monsterdon

THE HIIIIIILLS ARE ALI-oh

well

I guess they aren't, actually :/ #Monsterdon

Apparently the Curse of Dracula causes chapped lips. #Monsterdon

You know, I'm prepared to accept that Seward is probably intended to be our protagonist, and Frankenstein the antagonist,

but I literally could not tell you a single actual thing about either character.

Like, these people are CYPHERS. #Monsterdon

"Do not be afraid, I am here"

Yeah, that's the PROBLEM #Monsterdon

And now for a little light wax play. #Monsterdon

You are feeling veeeeeeeery sleepy...

Or is that just me? #Monsterdon

...The soul of your ancient *dentist*? Did I hear that right? #Monsterdon