Back

Why's Doctor Frankenstein look like Jeeves? #Monsterdon

Huh. So *this* is Martinizing. #Monsterdon

HARDLY ANY ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FILM

Toaster's ready. Again. #Monsterdon

Dracula: I don't feel dead. Actually I feel pretty good! #Monsterdon

Watch them hands, Cheech Igor. #Monsterdon

Ugh, can we... Not, with this scene D: #Monsterdon

"Let's just warm you up by the fire, poor dear." #Monsterdon

Aw, Dracula beddy-bye time! You need a glass of blood? You got tigger and eyore? C'mon, we'll read Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey. #Monsterdon

What? Wait, hold up, who's THIS chick? #Monsterdon

Aaaand she flees the movie. Wise woman. There but for the grace of god go I. #Monsterdon

THIS FILM IS JUST

CLOSEUPS

OF TWITCHING

"Oh yeah, baby, hey my UHaul is just outside..." #Monsterdon

"And now my powers were limitless!"

...Apparently? ¯\_(:/)_/¯ #Monsterdon

"...And that's how I got my start with Amway." #Monsterdon

I wish I knew why this film keeps zooming in on eyeballs like that. Maybe it was funded by a mascara company? #Monsterdon

Y'know, film, I think you've set enough TEXTURE, maybe it's time to move on to SUBSTANCE. #Monsterdon

"What is it? What's the matter?'

I'm still in this movie! God *damn* it! #Monsterdon

Oh yeah baby, shoot me up with the good stuff doctor. I'm up after her, c'mon I need it to get through this film. #Monsterdon

"And now the battle begins!"

Let's not kid ourselves, guys. This is gonna be like The Mummy vs The Robot, the whole fight's gonna be five seconds at the end of the flick. #Monsterdon

So she's institutionalized, but still allowed an underwire bra? #Monsterdon

Oh, now it's HIS turn to strip! Take it off, doctor, woo! #Monsterdon

I've always been impressed by Frankenstein's innovative fighting techniques. #Monsterdon

So is Doctor Frankenstein writing a report for the Amway home office or something? #Monsterdon

BATS ON A STRING, CLASSIC #Monsterdon

YOU CAN'T INTRODUCE NEW CHARACTERS AN HOUR INTO AN EIGHTY MINUTE FILM

FOUL

Shit, I don't have time to photoshop Dracula into that "I Consent, I Consent (jesus) I Don't!" picture. Just imagine it, please. #Monsterdon

I have to say, the Doctor's Wall of Sound is pretty minimalist. You think maybe he was one of the first trance artists? Wub wub noises and screaming. #Monsterdon

THE HIIIIIILLS ARE ALI-oh

well

I guess they aren't, actually :/ #Monsterdon

Apparently the Curse of Dracula causes chapped lips. #Monsterdon

You know, I'm prepared to accept that Seward is probably intended to be our protagonist, and Frankenstein the antagonist,

but I literally could not tell you a single actual thing about either character.

Like, these people are CYPHERS. #Monsterdon

"Do not be afraid, I am here"

Yeah, that's the PROBLEM #Monsterdon

And now for a little light wax play. #Monsterdon

You are feeling veeeeeeeery sleepy...

Or is that just me? #Monsterdon

...The soul of your ancient *dentist*? Did I hear that right? #Monsterdon

Chief you got fifteen minutes to slay Dracula, Frankenstein, AND his monster, and like half a dozen Femme Vamps. I don't think it's gonna work out unless you got an unregistered flamethrower. #Monsterdon

TALK

FASTER.

...The camera's moving? I don't believe it, this shot was actually PLANNED, wow :o #Monsterdon

...Points off for the conspicuous Volkswagen under the sheet there, tho #Monsterdon

Angelina Jolie rises for the midnight shift... #Monsterdon

What is it about Vampires that they all leave their empties lying around? Clean up after yourselves, y'litter bugs! #Monsterdon

Ten minutes left. This movie's gonna end with an abruptness usually seen only in car crashes. >_> #Monsterdon

I kinda want to go back through this movie and count the number of actual lines of spoken dialogue. I'm not sure it'd crack double digits. #Monsterdon

"He will come tonight."

Yeah, the director's lewd like that. #Monsterdon

...wolfman

are you sHITTING ME SERIOUSLY

YOU CAN'T INTRODUCE A THIRD MONSTER

IN THE LAST *FIVE GODDAMN MINUTES OF A MOVIE*

FUCKING FOUL!! #Monsterdon

I haven't felt this insulted by a movie since The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy and its 80% Flashback Runtime. >_> #Monsterdon

Het! Hup! Ha! Hoo! Wooop! #Monsterdon

So, this is rock paper scissors, right?

Frankenstein beats Wolfman, who beats Dracula, who beats Frankenstein? #Monsterdon

Also I was right

Five minutes left, and the fight finally starts.

The similarities to The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy are really piling up here. #Monsterdon

Careful guys, you're scraping the makeup off Frankenstein's neck there. #Monsterdon

I've met dogs like that at the park, no control -_-; #Monsterdon

"I tried to change you into superior beings-"

DID YOU? When was this? Was that on film, or was that some kind of supplemental material? #Monsterdon

Welp, union members are leaving. Closed shop everybody, c'mon. Strike's on. #Monsterdon

Yeah. Me too, Franky. Me too. #Monsterdon

"Thanks to God."

God: Wh-huh? What? Oh, uh, yeah! You're welcome! I, uh, I was definitely, uh, paying attention there! Yeah! Good job team, hit the showers! #Monsterdon

FIN

Fuckin' finally. #Monsterdon

Y'know, it's not unusual for #Monsterdon movies to fall apart in the closing minutes, but wow. I literally could not tell you how that film ended. That was absolutely un-parseable. Incomprehensible. What the actual fuck. #Monsterdon

I think I understand how The Castle of Fu Manchu turned out the way it did now. Compared to THIS, that was a crowd-pleasing middle of the road action film. #Monsterdon