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They wrapped her back up in clingfilm, gotta keep her fresh after that stint in the freezer. #Monsterdon

Robot chauvinism? Like no -vinism I knooooow♫ #Monsterdon

These cavemen studied at the Octaman school of martial arts. #Monsterdon

Oof, poor Caroline, spending this whole scene nose-deep in caveman butt :/ #Monsterdon

Go on, follow Budget Kamen Rider. #Monsterdon

Oh, knock it Hoff. #Monsterdon

SIMON FROM SPACE #Monsterdon

"Oh this way looks safe"

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT OUT LOUD WITH YOUR MOUTH #Monsterdon

Foley artists getting a little overeager here hitting trash cans with sticks. #Monsterdon

This movie doesn't resolve plot points, it just hands Akton a new power and goes, "Have fun, kid!" #Monsterdon

"You must've known all along"

Yes, my smugness drives the plot. #Monsterdon

"There's no way you could have"

The plot doesn't like you *nearly* as much as it loves me. #Monsterdon

It's nice how the movie's got a Designated Exposition Character :/ #Monsterdon

FINALLY THE ROBOT GOLEMS #Monsterdon

The most unbelievable part of this whole movie is that the Count hasn't twiddled his moustache sinisterly even ONCE yet. #Monsterdon

You know who would make a great Dark Count Zarth Arn? Danny Trejo. #Monsterdon

HOO HA HA HA HA HA #Monsterdon

This movie provides 100% of your daily recommended allowance of PEW PEW PEW #Monsterdon

Ah, a nice trade Hoff #Monsterdon

Wow, Bionicle's lighter than I thought #Monsterdon

HEY CHRIS! Thank god, here to get the movie back on track. #Monsterdon

"Please get up."

"No, I must obey destiny."

Remember, trying to survive is illegal! Apparently >_> #Monsterdon

"I'll live forever!"

Now just let me bleed out on the floor. #Monsterdon

And Akton dissolves into a sine wave. Truly two-dimensional at last. #Monsterdon

Chris here to show you amateurs how to say a stupid goddamn line with GRAVITAS. #Monsterdon

Delayed planet explosion like, "Now? ...Now? What about now. ...NNNnnnnow? Look, I'm just gonna do it." #Monsterdon

"If we succeed in this, we could save billions of lives."

...From what? The Doomsday Weapon just blew up, you clown. #Monsterdon

The last 20 minutes of the film are just footage of these Micro Machines being thrown out an airlock. #Monsterdon

Emperor does get a super sweet throne, though. I need a chair like that. #Monsterdon

"No, we're not dragging the camera past a miniature for these shots. D-don't be silly..." #Monsterdon

You can tell they're evil because their guns have bat wings. #Monsterdon

I love those missiles so much.

Your enemy has big glass windows! In SPACE! For some reason? Do you want to blow them up? Pfft, what a stupid idea. No, you pack guys in torpedoes and SHOOT THEM AT THE ENEMY SHIP #Monsterdon

They'll never see it coming! Because it's an intensely stupid idea! #Monsterdon

"Kill! Kill!"

Faster, Pussycat! #Monsterdon

I have no idea where any of these ships are in relation to each other. #Monsterdon

...So about those windows open to space? #Monsterdon

The mightiest weapon! The DOOM MACHINE!

And then he *actually says* "Huzzah" #Monsterdon

STARCRASH! We have a title drop! #Monsterdon

They're gonna jumpscare him to death? #Monsterdon

...Is this their third scene together? Are they in love now? #Monsterdon

See, the thing is, Elle would be a thousand percent more tolerable if he wasn't humanoid. If he were a little trashcan with inarticulate limbs and a hoverskirt his Texan accent and overconfidence would be *hilarious*. #Monsterdon

Man, they greebled the FUCK out of that ship. #Monsterdon

"I'll try spinning! That's a good trick!" #Monsterdon

Shoutout to the bargain basement fireworks they blew the ship up with :D #Monsterdon

"It's happened."

Me:

Yeah, Starcrash isn't so much a movie as a series of explosions molded into the shape of George Lucas's id. :D #Monsterdon

Aaaaaah, what a *terrible* movie :D

That was great :D #Monsterdon

My favorite thing about Starcrash is that the titular Star Crash is not in fact two stars crashing. It's the Imperial Pride Float using that timestop thing to get close to the hand ship and then unstopping time so they can *ram it*

It's a Star Crash because two Star*ships* Crash.

Which is like naming a movie VOLCANIC ERUPTION and at the climax of the film a high schooler pours a container of baking soda into a bottle of vinegar :P #Monsterdon

Anyway I want a Starcrash remake where Stella is a disgraced noble from the Emperor's court using Akton -- who in this version is from an order of precognitives the Emperor uses to enforce the whole Defying Destiny Is Illegal thing -- to rob ships and disrupt the Emperor's enforced future.

Oh and stars should actually CRASH in this one >_> #Monsterdon