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This is "HP Lovecraft's The Deep Ones" if anyone is keeping score. #lovecraft

OK, I recognize none of this cast. Is that good? Sometimes that's good. Usually it's bad though.

Ah! Explicit female nudity within the first 30 seconds. So it's going to be that kind of #horror movie, is it? Goodie! Here we go! #gratuitousnudity

Our (nude) opening victim isn't running in terror so much as staggering jerkily and occasionally stopping for no apparent reason so as not to run over the camera operator in terror.

Credit where it's due: I like these titles.

Titles. With an L. Not a second T. Titles.

OH GODDAMN IT did I just get tricked into watching a Full Moon production, or did they just hire Richard because he's scored more HP Lovecraft adaptations than any man alive, dead, or upon the liminal threshold in-between?

"Hey, uh, boss, do you maybe wanna block this shot so that there's light on both actors?"

"Block? Why would you want to block me from shooting in this gorgeous golden light?"

"... nevermind."

Oh no I think our lead might be Quebecois.

Nope, false alarm. Estonian.

Ah, more full frontal female nudity less than 10 minutes into the movie. Gotcha. So actually it isn't that kind of horror movie, it's *that* kind of horror movie.

Though, you know, I think both women to get naked so far are in their mid-late 30s at least, maybe even early 40s, which is unusual for microbudget horror. Does that count as representation?

The leads have chemistry, I'll give them full points for that.

We had more nudity at 12 minutes. I wonder if they're frontloading because we might have a long, dry ten or even twelve minutes without a single pointless boob?

Wait you can't make Shadow over Innsmouth but have the fish cultists worship Cthulhu?! What the fuck, man?!

oh vagina tentacles, ok. And it's the male lead getting, uh, tentacled? Didn't see that coming. Way to flip the script!

I was wrong, btw. Less than eight minutes later we had more full frontal. Will we reach ten? I doubt it!